My first attempt to document these events was back in 2010. I created a website, a lead character (NONI), avatars and artwork to entice an audience who would guide me on a quest in search of prince charming.
I called it Noni’s Happy Ending and the idea was to explore and travel until I found a suitable ending for my tale. I opened myself to all type’s of possibilities. I listened to encouraging speeches from my well meaning friends who assured me that I would find a lovely ending for my story. I deserved that, so much of my life had been drama and tragedy; it was my destiny to find my happiness.
Or perhaps I still had lessons to learn?
I wasn’t ready to tell the story; I still had lots of healing work to do before destiny would deliver my knight in shining armor. Eight years later I finally realized that life is not a fairy tale. Life is fucking reality. It was time to let go and move on.
I didn’t want to be afraid anymore. I didn’t want to feel embarrassed or stupid about what I had done, or more correctly what had been done to me. It was over. Living in fear of retaliation or discovery was killing my spirit. It was time to reclaim my freedom. It was time to take control.
My plan was to purchase a small parcel of land, build a simple home and plant a sustainable garden. During the 6 months that I had lived up river from Puerto Maldonado, a small village in the Peruvian Amazon, I had learned about the medicinal power of many plants.
I decided to create a healing center.
I had been shopping for land in Ecuador. My dream was to create a healing and meditation garden that featured traditional medicine plants from around the world. After much searching I found a plot of land on the northwest coast of Ecuador that was ideal. Esmeraldas met my desired ultimate dream offering both beachfront and fertile farmland for plant medicine cultivation.
The location was perfect for food production as well since the soil was incredibly fertile due to having an estuary close by. I was dumbfounded to find oceanfront property, at an affordable price, conveniently near a natural bird sanctuary and with Mangrove trees at the shoreline. Bonus points also for perfect neighbors! A small technicality prevented my purchase; it was considerably out of my price range. Since Trump’s presidency the dollar was higher and stronger than ever. Ecuador utilizes US currency and a modest land transaction was going to cost me to lose several thousand on the exchange from Canadian currency.
So, instead of borrowing the difference or negotiating a smaller plot of land, I came up with a brilliant plan. My idea was to travel to India and spend 6 months writing a book about the failed relationship that I was determined to keep a secret. For years, literally years, I had listened to people exclaim, “You should write a book! Your life is like a movie!”
I figured my story was like an ace in the hole. I could easily earn back the cost of the project and a nice sum to set my plans in action for the meditation gardens.
I didn’t need a bunch of people telling me, it’s full blown Technicolor, no doubt that my life is like a movie. Let’s go down the rabbit hole shall we?
Oh, speaking of rabbit holes, do you ever feel like the Universe is trying to send you messages? Well, mine seem to show up as murals in places I live. After many months of tweeting with the hash tag #followthewhiterabbit I checked into a hostel in Northern Peru to continue laying low.
The previous 6 months I had been living in a remote sanctuary in the Amazon jungle. Upon a recommendation I booked a volunteer experience in a tiny seaside village where I would help out with reception and housekeeping at a surf hostel. The arrangement was that if I worked for 4 hours per day at the reception desk I would receive accommodations and a staff meal.
The arrangement was a perfect since I was on limited budget. Volunteering would allow me to stay longer without spending too much money. When the manager of the hostel showed me to my sleeping quarters I was dumbfounded to see that a mural of Alice in Wonderland was painted on the front of my room. There, right on the door was the white rabbit himself!
It was incredibly comforting to receive a message from the Universe which seemed to be telling me I was in the right place. I moved in happily.
There have been many more signs since that one, each coming at a time when I was in transition from once place to another. I kept listening intently to make sure I was doing the right thing. Sometimes when we’re focused on something we keep seeing it. Like when you’re trying to quit eating sweets but everywhere you go, all you see is deserts and candies. I realize that Alice in Wonderland is an internationally renowned story and the fact that it showed up at the place I was staying could have been random coincidence but I don’t think so. Especially since I rented a small apartment in India where I had planned to edit and package my videos. When I entered the hallway to my new “hideout” in Goa I found it to have a white rabbit painted right inside the doorway.
I once again was reassured that I was in the correct place. I decided to extend my stay in Goa to complete the project there. I unpacked my backpack for the first time in almost a year. It felt good to have a place for my toothbrush and cupboard for my clothes but the top perk of having my own space again was the kitchen. Oh, how I love to cook!
I posted a message on a Goa Life Facebook group seeking help in editing the content that I had collected over the years. I was excited to have invented a new storytelling technique but afraid it could potentially fail.
Fear was the all too familiar emotion that flashed its frightening face throughout this process. The trick was to slay those fears and move forward confidently. People use words like courageous and brave to describe me but I didn’t agree, I’m driven by sheer stubbornness and the desire to expose the truth. I refuse to be silenced any longer. I am done being manipulated and will not conform to the social engineering or media influences.
There are 2 things you can never hide, eventually they show up and shine their light; the sun and the truth.
Here is my truth.